some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
