she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
