I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
