a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize