It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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