I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
