upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize