He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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