Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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