I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
