weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
