It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Mom said you looked used
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize