well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
