I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Sober January is a disaster.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
