What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
