too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
