so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
