you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
