I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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