I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
