Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
