i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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