dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
