you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
