I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
