You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
