I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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