last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
