Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your cock deserves a montage
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
