I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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