I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize