he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize