i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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