the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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