Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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