so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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