As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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