Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
