I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
