I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
