I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
