i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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