When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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