I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
