Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We are all done wearing pants today
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
