k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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