If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
