Plan B is the new Plan A
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
