PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize