Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
