was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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