...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
