i already hear my dad disowning me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
