i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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