My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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