I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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