Pants 0. Shit 1.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize