she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
