I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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