She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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