I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
