miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He has the fingertips of a God
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
