but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
