Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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