yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
