No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
