Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
