I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
