I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
