Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
