I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
