why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
