Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize