I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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