it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
