It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
