shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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