I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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