I can text with my tongue
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
