I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm really busy with my period
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