I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
