2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
