The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
