i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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