So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
