WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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