why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
