This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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