I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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