I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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