Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
