i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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