i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
