Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
