I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize