Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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