You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize