I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize