Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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