I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
