ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
