Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
