Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
