Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize